I lost my younger sister to mental illness about 3 years ago. Her death was a horrible shock. I am still recovering. I think of her every day, and even when I am not thinking of her, her death has a role in navigating my life. Sometimes, like last night, she shows up in my dreams. I still have terrible feelings of all kinds around not being able to protect her or help her, and about the childhood that we both experienced that was at least part of the cause of her illness. Sometimes my psyche needs me to pay special attention to this, to facilitate another step in my healing perhaps. That said, it makes it hard for me to concentrate on other things.
I'm thinking that maybe if I talk about my own experience, it might be a reflection in itself of some of the energies that are happening at this time. That my feelings and state of being today might as act a mirror in some way.
I wonder today about how it is that this experience of loss influences my relationships with others. How it inhibits intimacy and camaraderie at times. How it makes me feel excruciating sore and sensitive in places that sometimes surprise others--and myself!-- when I react to being touched. How I am sometimes run by worries about loss and leaving, and create some the very conditions that facilitate more of it. I'm struggling.
I'm hoping that maybe by putting light on this today, it ill not only serve me by sharing and getting out it , but might also serve one of you reading this blog. Sure, Venus is retrograde, and at Her deepest part of the Underworld journey; Saturn (the alchemical Black Sun) is squaring...like... everything, and Mercury (psychopomp and alchemical catalyst) is moving into an opposition with Neptune. All that. This morning a wise friend used V.I.T.R.I.O.L. as a descriptor for us, which might sum it up:
Visita Interiora Terrae Rectificando Invenies Occultum Lapidem, or V.I.T.R.I.O.L. : “Visit the interior of the earth and rectifying (purifying) you will find the hidden stone.”
Sometimes we've got to break down to break though. Often more than once; The Great Work can take lifetimes. I am grateful for each of you who read these posts and support my business. Much Love and LVX.